Week 12 , Expectations & Resentments

“Unrealistic expectations are premeditated resentments”

It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We expect our Higher Power and the Universe – not one person – to be our source.

I believe it’s unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It’s the other person’s responsibility to freely choose whether to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that’s controlling.
There’s a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.
It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.
It is reasonable to have certain and well-defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person’s unavailability. We do this for ourselves.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any person. We can trust ourselves to know what’s reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discover an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.

 

I had a wonderful day last Saturday with my oldest daughter, Emma. When she was 3 years old I took an afternoon off from work to take her to watch her first movie in a movie theatre. The movie was “Beauty and the Beast”. I remember how awe struck she was by the huge screen and booming speakers. That was a very happy dad moment for me and I won’t ever forget it. That was 25 years ago and now Disney has released a new, live-action remake of the original.

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I had initially thought it was just something fun and silly and nostalgic to do with Emma and we could have a few laughs together. Well the movie is very well done and I was a little shocked to discover that I was enjoying the movie. It was great and I can’t imagine anyone not enjoying it. Well done Disney. We kicked around the mall for awhile and then went for a nice dinner at Eau Claire. My Saturdays can’t get much better than that.

 

I got home from work Wednesday and bumped into my neighbour, in the back lane. I asked her how she was doing. Her reply was “shitty”. So I stopped to talk to her and found out that her dog, a black Labrador, had died on Saturday. Vader was his name and he and my dog Hoover always had time to bark at each other through the fences and the shrubs and sniff each other’s butts, as dogs do, when they were on the sidewalk together. He was a year younger than Hoover and died from the cancer that was discovered in him only 3 weeks prior. It’s quite sad actually and makes me appreciate the time I have with Hoover, just a little more.

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Hoover The Dog

Here’s a Ted Talk I recently watched that touched a nerve with me. It’s about finding the courage to speak up against prejudice and bigotry. It’s only 4:18 if you want to take the time to watch it.

 

The song this week is Hey Bebe from Rhiannon Giddens new album, Freedom Highway

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The quote this week:

“The world would be a nicer place if everyone had the ability to love as unconditionally as a dog.”

M.K. Clinton
Thanks for dropping by…….I appreciate it……

Week 20

Hello and thanks for dropping by. Writing this blog and committing to write it every week can be challenging, very challenging.Often I sit to type and haven’t got a blog thought in my head. Other times I feel like I could write for hours. But the rules set between myself and a friend were to write every week regardless of what I considered material or not. Otherwise it would be so very easy to drop it for a few weeks, a month,6 months. Kind of what I did with my first blog. So that’s why there is the discipline of a weekly blog. Discipline, for me, is a very good thing because I am not that disciplined of a person.I need to put disciplines on myself. Did you know in treatment facilities the clients must make their beds every morning prior to doing anything else?.  The treatment centres know how important discipline is to the newly recovering addict or alcoholic.Hell it’s important to all of us. So the commitment of writing every week, or this discipline, is exactly what I need to stay on track. One of the by-products of writing this blog, that I didn’t expect to receive, is the enjoyment I get from writing. It’s worth it, every week.

Another thing I like is to be challenged; physically, mentally and spiritually. In regards to the physical aspect I’m in the gym 5-6 days a week for a healthier fit life but mostly to stay fit for the lifestyle I like to live. A big part of this lifestyle is the time I spend on the trails and in the mountains. With a good friend, I am climbing Mount Whitney in the Sierra Nevada’s in June and in July Lori and I are hiking the West Coast Trail. This past Saturday was my first scramble of the year. Here is a definition of scrambling for those who are curious and not sure.

We define scrambling as easy climbing requiring use of hands and feet but not ropes, belays or protection. In a sense, scrambling is technical hiking. There aren’t always clearly defined trails and you occasionally use your hands to help ‘scramble‘ up ridges or routes.

6 friends and I scrambled Mount Yamnuska this past Saturday , only 3 days after a huge snowfall had hit the area. Yamnuska offers a fairly easy scramble but challenging with loose scree and plenty of exposure. Secure footing is a definite must while climbing up and down Yamnuska The total elevation gain for the climb was 1000m over 4.5 km. The total distance hiked was 9 km in 7 hours with a relaxing lunch at the summit for 45 minutes.

 

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Me at the summit

Scrambling and hiking are a couple of ways that I like to challenge myself and to challenge myself while doing something I love to do. These things are not exclusive of a mental challenge either, with preparedness, critical thinking, decision making and awareness. We’re very fortunate in Calgary and area to have such great access to so many trails to fit every lifestyle. From picnics to short hikes to climbing and backpacking, it’s all so close to us who live on the eastern slope of the Rocky Mountains. If you are looking for hikes to do then please check out Hiking With Barry. You can find a link to his outstanding blog on my home page. Keep challenging yourself!

Last Saturday night my cousin Patrice Haan and her husband Tony Marcus, who are from Oakland Ca, were in Calgary playing a concert. Collectively they are called Leftover Dreams and they play music for a living. I’m just a little envious!

Here’s a song from one of their concerts called Just In Time

I hadn’t seen Patrice since 1993 at her mother’s funeral. Her mother and my father were brother and sister. The older I get the more important family relationships become to me so it was fabulous to see Patrice. She greeted me with a big hug and we shed a couple of tears. Her brother Kevin and his wife came down from Edmonton to see the concert. I had seen Kevin a couple of years back at the funeral of another cousin, Gail. Kevin still gave me a great big hug and I felt like a million bucks! I hope the next time I see Patrice we can enjoy a cup of coffee and have more time with each other to visit and reminisce. I’m sure most of you agree that family is so important. It is to me.

 

Happy Belated Birthday to my sister Debbie who had a big one on May 13th

 

The quote this week is from Desmond Tutu.

“You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you, as you are to them. “

The song this week is prompted by a concert I just bought tickets for. I mentioned to Lori on Tuesday night (she was in bed) that Gregg Allman and ZZ Top are playing together at The Palms in Vegas. She said clearly “that would be a great concert” but what I heard Lori say is “wow, we should go to Vegas and see them, can you get tickets?” I didn’t need to say another word after hearing what I heard and the next morning, at work and before 7 am I had purchased tickets to see them in Vegas on October 7th! It’s going to be an awesome night of music

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Here’s Gregg Allman signing I’m No Angel

 

Well thanks again for reading , I appreciate it…………and I hope I’ll see you next week……