“You’re just not that important Mike” were some words spoken to me by Morley almost 24 years ago. Morley Moger was my first sponsor, or mentor, when I showed up to the rooms of recovery and he remained my sponsor for 21 years. I was reminded of the time Morley said this to me when I was speaking to a friend tonight who is from my 12 step group. He’s new to recovery and as it turns out these same words were said to him on Monday night by another man. They were spoken word for word although the first name was different. Many of you who aren’t in recovery already know this about yourselves and for those that don’t know it the opportunity to learn it is a must. You’re just not that important. Morley said these words to me out of kindness and love, not out of malice. I needed to hear these words, learn these words and understand what these words meant. Those words weren’t used to put me down. Those words were said to help me right size myself and to begin to learn and understand some humility. You see when I was active and deep in my alcoholism I thought I was so very important. I tried to control the world. Well that is I tried to control that small space that was my world. I had family to control, or at least what they thought of me. I had work situations and problems, of my own making, to control. I had a need to control everything around me so you wouldn’t find out I was an alcoholic. I didn’t know that you already knew this about me.I was such a great liar that I ended up being the last to know how bad I was because of the lies I told myself. I was sure that if I exercised enough control I could keep doing what I needed to do and that was to drink. I was also pretty sure that this world I was trying to control revolved around me. So by the time I showed up to the rooms of recovery and got sober I still believed the world revolved around me and that I was in control. The 12 steps taught me not only that I wasn’t in control but that I didn’t have to be in control. The world did not revolve around me. People, places and things would do quite well without me. Some would even thrive with my absence. Morley would remind me to count the stars in the sky if I was feeling too important. Or remind me how many people have lived on planet earth before me, who no one remembers. Those words spoken to me were not spoken to suppress me but actually to provide me with the relief I needed ,to know I didn’t have to run the show. It was like the world was lifted off my shoulders for the first time since I was a child. You’re just not that important. And it feels great to know it.So don’t worry,you’re not that important.
I am sharing this Ted Talk with you because it’s worth sharing. Some of you will listen for a short period but for those that listen to it all, well you’ll get it. Lidia Yuknavitch is an American writer and teacher from Oregon. She’s also a misfit! I love misfits.
The song this week is from a band called XX who I first heard when I bought their album Coexist in 2012 after reading a great review. I love this band and I am looking forward to buying the new album, I See You.
The quote this week is :
“As we are liberated from our fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”